That Way Life Can Be

Paris. What can I say other than it had been an embodiment of how life can be. Lonely, revealing, confusing, crowded, spiritual, joy. It is a little bit of everything, and I have been a careening around a few emotional curves over the past month. Some days I have felt unforgivably tired, weighed down by those multitude of intangibles. Other days, I feel buoyed by a carefree-ness that has characterized much of my traveling. Today, I am happy. I am peaceful and feel a measure of belonging where I am, sitting in a garden in the Rodin museum. The sun is peeking through trees that are raining tiny, yellow flowers; it is beautiful.

My life has taken many turns this year, in ways I could not have possibly foreseen 10 months ago. Love, of course has been a dominating force. Along with family and friendship. I have felt independent (some would say, recklessly so) and then conversely dependent on people to hold me up and bestow upon me love and guidance. I have learned heaps about how I operate and the kind of person I aspire to be, but I have also made mistakes and brought confusion and pain into my life. 

Meditation.

Everyday I receive a daily meditation quote (like this one by White Eagle: "And how, you ask, are we to walk the spiritual path? We answer:  say little and love much; give all; judge no person; aspire to all that is pure and good.") There is so much wisdom in the words of our fellow man. There is also a lot of noise and chaff. Magazine articles and Ted Talk videos that can simplify emotions and relationships. From what I can see we are all so dynamic. We often don't know exactly what we want as we simultaneously seek adventurous change and safe stability. As much as I believed that this year would be my own year of magical realizations, it has been both that and also a letting go of expectations. I understand more than ever that life is unbelievably grand, and heartbreakingly hard. I am questioning "God" or "the Universe," trying to figure out that point of balance restoration that is so essential in an ever changing world. 

Grounded.

I am forever grateful to the people in my life who have listened and still listen to me. I wish I could bundle it all up, and express exactly what I mean, make it simple and pretty, like a famous quote. But, I'm still figuring things out. I have joy, I have experienced true, pure happiness this year, and every year of my life. If life is embracing the unknowns and living in the present, of listening and loving, then good, because that's what I'm trying to do. 

Whew (the sound of sending happy thoughts into the cosmos).